Zac Riff
Write the first paragraph of your page here. Ems' Awesomeness Section heading Zacchaeus Riff Second half—7:30 ass on branch Joe: Twerk it. TWERK IT. out through the leaves Emma: God, they keep having to call in the fire truck for this guy sashaying down the drab landscape Joe: Barabas didn't have this swag in tree's head back in view Emma: NOW we know how he ended up with the beehive. reflected in dude's eye Emma: “I see, the only way to escape you is death” to be to you, my Lord and my God! Joe: Try to spot the disciple playing the synthesizer Emma: You know, red was the perfect choice of attire if he keeps rubbing himself on that bark like that Joe: Hey, supposing he were to revolve around the branch and drop to his doom, would that make him a Red, Dead Revolver Why is he stopping? I dunno. Let's see. opens his eyes really creepily Emma: Brother Vinnie there pulled the string at Christ's back Joe: I can see the holy wings of the dove in his eyebrows ZeKEEus. '' starts shining Emma: Forsooth! Jesus is granting him a metabolism! Joe: giggling Emma: Good, yes, no more speaking lines out of him ''ZeKEEus. Come down quickly. For today, I must stay at your house. Joe: “You wanna take my tree from me!?” Emma: little girl “He's so VIRILE. Look at those forearms” Joe: “Yeah, not like that effete Jesus. Let's follow the guy who climbs trees for fun!” Emma: Jesus “You know Scripture says your body ''is like a house...” ''You too are a descendant of Abraham. tears Joe: “And I'd like to thank the Academy...” mindrapes him Emma: Mindrape a-go-go! Joe: “Aw yeah, eat of my body, MMM” Emma: Jesus, the supernatural origin of duckface What's this? Welcome to my house, oh lord. It's a great pleasure that you are coming to my HAWSE. giggling Joe: “And there'll be third comings, and fourth comings...” girl Emma: “Homosexuality is AWESOME” How hard is it for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of god? Joe: Spare some wealth for acting lessons, my man But once I met Jesus, everything changed in my life. What is impossible for human beings, is possible for God. Emma: robotic “I used to be a tax collector, now life has changed. Now I pass collection plate.” Praise be to you our lord and our blah. It's blah blah blah house. Joe: “I LOOK like House.” Emma: giggling What the fuck did they spike in his morning fig juice looks at surroundings, then at viewer dumbly Joe: giggling How can he act like this? He is going to be a guest of one who is a sinner! Joe: “Okay, this is how we take Prussia.” Emma: I feel like we're stuck in a hidden object game Joe: The tension is killing me, when does he start eating everyone? ZeKEEus, no servant can serve two masters, You will either hate one and love the other, or devote yourself to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. Emma: “Your first task is to supply funding for our next megachurch. Lose the beard, you remind The Base of Osama.” Joe: Jesus will teach him to serve the only legitimate masters, cock and balls Emma: He's going to dissolve all his money through ceaselessly blubbering over it Joe: I'm just waiting for the perfect epiphany where his scalp explodes like a volcano Emma: Thankfully, Jesus made an exception to the “give the shirt off your back” rule in this one case. of brazenly copypasted people Joe: And the clip-art clones MULTIPLY Emma: Man did it not take long for the inbreeding to kick in sequence Joe: Jesus Is My Botox: The Incredible True Story Emma: Starring Brian Blessed as Zacchaeus, and Steve Buscemi as Jesus Joe: I feel like the animators farmed the work to a pool of elementary school kids doing up their coloring books am sorry for what I have done Joe: “I'm sorry, I don't see DOLLAR BILLS coming out of that big fucking mouth.” received Emma: “What the fuck is this, shit ain't good enough to hang off my doorknob.” Joe: I don't know what's possessing Zacchaeus's forehead muscles but it's not of heavenly origin Emma: And the whole district was rendered without speech when the voice actors peeked into their envelopes and saw their comp take this! I am sorry. Joe: “Awesome, always wanted to be a tax collector!” shot Emma: Don't these guys have jobs or...? is TRULY an eternal happiness! Gigglefit what is impossible for human beings, is possible for god! Joe: And God can be yours if the Price Is Right! strange simian arms Emma: Invisible guardrails give us something to eat. Come and take anything from my house! Joe: Beeline for the absinthe Emma: “But sir, what about the meth coating literally everything?” I will give half of my possessions to the poor. I will blah blah pay back four times as much. Joe: “Great, now I have to die four times for your shitty fucking sins just to keep on top.” Emma: Where do I get in line to get defrauded by him? Joe: Perhaps you can construct an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that makes it so that every time Zacchaeus causes a mini-brush fire on his pubes rubbing himself against a tree branch, it causes a chain reaction that flings a dollar in your pocket into his unwitting hands, thereby forcing him to pay you back 4 dollars. Emma: That sounds like a lot of effort. Why don't I just rob his bloody form? Joe: Doesn't janking his shit just make them all greedy little imps Emma: Maybe they can finally find the cure to their chronic epidemic of Neck Immobility salvation has come to this house. Because blah blah son of man blah blah save the lost Joe: “What about the Son of Sam?” Emma: “Yeah huh, when do we get more gold shittoons?” be to you, my lord and my god, I am now wealthier! You are now my wealth, my lord and my god! Joe; “I get that a lot.” Emma: “Now Zacchaeus, are you ready for your makeover?” first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness. Blah blah new world a new Jerusalem Joe: A new solar system, a new plague of strife, a new CAR